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    Home is Where the Pancakes Are

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    Beanbag
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    ssr Home is Where the Pancakes Are

    Post  Beanbag on Sun Aug 15, 2010 9:44 am

    WARNING: This AE may cause blahblahblah and the repetitive use of the word 'no'.

    Nancy Drew bravely did a clog dance through the cliff dwellings, unaware that she was being watched....
    Whilst she was.... erm. Clogging, an unidentified stalker was following her. They were watching.. listening.. doin' their own thaang.
    But, GASP, there suddenly was a huge pancake stand between them, and the stalker pounded their fists in frustration on the back wall of it.
    On the flip side (literally) Nancy was flipping pancakes, filling out orders at the drive-through window.
    The smell of the. . black, shriveled-up things Nancy was making drove the stalker mad!
    "Yo, can I get a waffle?" The stalker asked, resting their arm 'cooly' on the window.
    Nancy's eyes got as big as milk jugs as she jumped up on the counter, "WE DON'T SELL WAFFLES HERE!! ONLY PANCAKES!!!"
    "Oh." The stalker said, "Okay then." Then they left.
    After about 12 more hours of consecutive pancake-serving, Nancy got bored and decided to high-tail it out of there.
    "Hiiiiiiiiiiiiii Bob-ness!!" Nancy called from the top of the cliff dwellings, starting to tap dance. A giant candy cane fell from the sky and landed in her hands for the performance, along with a selection of bright stage lights. Big band music played, a huge crowd formed, and millions watched as she tapped her feet to the beat. . .
    Umm, not really. Except for the candy cane part.
    "HEEYYY THURR' NANCY!" She turned around to find. . . *dun dun dunn* Shorty!
    He was holding two Hot Wheels cars in his hand as he walked up to her, a goofy grin on his face. "Heya Shorty!" Nancy said excitedly, spotting the cars, "Whatcha bring those for?"
    Shorty's face suddenly turned dead serious. "I want to play with them."
    Nancy cheered, grabbing a weird black-greenish car with the word "noob" written on the side in crayon.
    They played with their Hot Wheels cars for a while before a meteor fell from the sky and smashed them.
    Uh, 'them' as in the cars - not Nancy & Shorty. They mourned the loss of their Hot Wheels, which they had now buried and covered with lemon juice. [don't ask. . .]
    "Wanna go skydiving?" Shorty asked, pulling out two little blocks of rainbow from his pocket.
    "What the heck are those?" Nancy asked.
    Shorty sang in an opera voice, "SuUUPpeEeRRrr-skYDIviiIInnNGgg - " Pause. "SuUUuIIiiiItTSs!!! TM."
    "OOOHH!!"
    "But wait;" Shorty's voice transformed into that of an infomercial, "There's more! If you call now, we'll throw in a special order of Super-Skydiving Suits™ laundry detergent!"
    "AAAHH!"
    Shorty put on a pair of sunglasses, "It smells like fresh Cactus!"
    Nancy turned her cactus purse inside-out, but all that was inside was a bottle of aloe vera gel. "Sorry, I'm out of five-dollar bills."
    "BUT WAIT! There's more! If you call now, we'll double your order for only 257 dollars more!!"
    "WHAT A BARGAIN!"
    "BUT WAIT! If you call right now, you'll get an extra pair of - SuUUPpeEeRRrr-skYDIviiIInnNGgg SuUUuIIiiiItTSs™ - sunglasses! With mint chocolate chip cookie rhinestones!"
    "GLAMOROUS!"
    "BUT WAIT! If you call right, right now, we'll double your order - AGAIN!"

    [Spongebob accented-announcer voice] *One Hour` Later`*

    "So if you call within the next 18 seconds, you'll get -
    SuUUPpeEeRRrr-skYDIviiIInnNGgg SuUUuIIiiiItTSs™
    SuUUPpeEeRRrr-skYDIviiIInnNGgg SuUUuIIiiiItTSs™ laundry detergent
    Doubled order! [$257 bucks more]
    SuUUPpeEeRRrr-skYDIviiIInnNGgg SuUUuIIiiiItTSs™ sunglasses [with mint chocolate chip cookie rhinestones]
    Doubled order! - AGAIN!
    AAANNDDD. . .
    Dinner for 2 at Bananawasp's!
    Lifetime supply of Moon Chunk and/or Cowabubble bubble gum
    SuUUPpeEeRRrr-skYDIviiIInnNGgg SuUUuIIiiiItTSs™ pancake-flapjack-waffle-crepe-sourdough bread-cheese dudle-Texas toast-ham sandwich-pork rind muffin mix! - Oooh, snap. Sorry, girlfraann', your 18 seconds is up. This offer is no longer available."
    Nancy cried.
    "Aww Nanceh', don't cryyyyy. We can go skydivin' now."
    Nancy lit up. Literally. Seriously.
    . . .
    I mean it. "Alright!"
    The rainbow chunks magically transformed into skydiving suits. They put them on over their regular clothes.
    Then. . . they. . .
    "JUUUUUMMMMMPPPPP!!!!!" - ed.
    Shorty stared down, his eyes sparkling with glitter glue, screaming a disturbingly high-pitched scream. "AAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!"

    [Spongebob accented-announcer voice] *One Hour` Later`*

    "aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!"

    [Spongebob accented-announcer voice] *Two Hours` Later`*

    "aaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhh."

    [Spongebob accented-announcer voice] *Th`ree Hours` Later`*



    VERSION 2 ::


    Nancy Drew bravely did a clog dance through the cliff dwellings, unaware that she was being watched....
    A stalker-person followed Nancy, making sure to stay at a maximum of 2 inches behind her. A small glob of lava randomly fell from the sky, landing on the stalker's cowboy boot of a hand.
    "AAAOOOOOOHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!" The stalker let out a deep, manly scream.
    Nancy paused her dance. "Aunt Eloise? Is that you?" The stalker quickly slammed themself against the wall, hoping that Nancy wouldn't notice their neon-colored disco suit against the dark brown rocks.
    Nancy shrugged and continued her performance. The stalker was about to reach out and grab her, just about a nanosecond away!
    But, GASP, there suddenly was a huge pancake standing between them, and the stalker pounded their fists in frustration on the back wall of it.
    On the flip side (literally) Nancy was flipping pancakes, filling out orders at the drive-through window.
    Bob the horse drove up in a shiny red sports car, "NEEIIIGGHH!" he flashed his teeth and made his eyes cross.
    "Hiiiiiiiiiiiiii Bob-ness!!" Nancy said, plopping a flapjack on top of his head. "Nice vehicle you got there!"
    Bob gave her his thanks with another whinny and sped away, deeper into the cliff dwellings.
    "Yo, can I get a waffle?" The stalker asked, resting their boot 'cooly' on the window.
    Nancy's eyes got as big as milk jugs as she jumped up on the counter, "WE DON'T SELL WAFFLES HERE!!!!! ONLY PANCAKES!!!!!!"
    "Oh." The stalker said, "Okay then." Then they left.
    After about 7.4 more hours of consecutive pancake-serving, Nancy got bored and decided to high-tail it out of there.
    But when she exited the dwellings, she realized that Bob had driven off without her.
    "Stupid fancy car," she muttered angrily, just as Shorty appeared.
    He offered to go skydiving, so Nancy said "HECK YES!". He pulled out two chunks of rainbow from his pocket.
    "What the heck are those?" Nancy asked.
    Shorty sang in an opera voice, "SuUUPpeEeRRrr-skYDIviiIInnNGgg - " Pause. "SuUUuIIiiiItTSs!!! TM."
    "OOOHH!!"
    "But wait;" Shorty's voice transformed into that of an infomercial, "There's more! If you call now, we'll throw in a special order of Super-Skydiving Suits™ laundry detergent!"
    "AAAHH!"
    Shorty put on a pair of sunglasses, "It smells like fresh Cactus!"
    Nancy turned her cactus purse inside-out, but all that was inside was a bottle of aloe vera gel. "Sorry, I'm fresh out of five-dollar bills."
    "BUT WAIT! There's more! If you call now, we'll double your order for only 257 dollars more!!"
    "WHAT A BARGAIN!"
    "BUT WAIT! If you call right now, you'll get an extra pair of - SuUUPpeEeRRrr-skYDIviiIInnNGgg SuUUuIIiiiItTSs™ - sunglasses! With mint chocolate chip cookie rhinestones!"
    "GLAMOROUS!"
    "BUT WAIT! If you call right, right now, we'll double your order - AGAIN!"

    [Spongebob accented-announcer voice] *One Hour` Later`*

    "So if you call within the next 18 seconds, you'll get -
    SuUUPpeEeRRrr-skYDIviiIInnNGgg SuUUuIIiiiItTSs™
    SuUUPpeEeRRrr-skYDIviiIInnNGgg SuUUuIIiiiItTSs™ laundry detergent
    Doubled order! [$257 bucks more]
    SuUUPpeEeRRrr-skYDIviiIInnNGgg SuUUuIIiiiItTSs™ sunglasses [with mint chocolate chip cookie rhinestones]
    Doubled order! - AGAIN!
    AAANNDDD. . .
    Dinner for 2 at Bananawasp's!
    Lifetime supply of Moon Chunk and/or Cowabubble bubble gum
    SuUUPpeEeRRrr-skYDIviiIInnNGgg SuUUuIIiiiItTSs™ pancake-flapjack-waffle-crepe-sourdough bread-cheese dudle-Texas toast-ham sandwich-pork rind muffin mix! - *BUUZZZZZER* Oooh, snap. Sorry, girlfraann', your 18 seconds is up. This offer is no longer available."
    Nancy cried.
    "Aww Nanceh', don't cryyyyy. We can go skydivin' now."
    Nancy lit up. Literally.
    Seriously.
    . . .
    I mean it.
    "Alright!"
    The rainbow chunks magically transformed into skydiving suits. They put them on over their regular clothes.
    Then. . . they. . .
    "JUUUUUMMMMMPPPPP!!!!!" - ed.
    Shorty stared down, his eyes sparkling with glitter glue, screaming a disturbingly high-pitched scream. "AAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!"

    [Spongebob accented-announcer voice] *One Hour` Later`*

    "aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!"

    [Spongebob accented-announcer voice] *Two Hours` Later`*

    "aaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhh."

    [Spongebob accented-announcer voice] *Th`ree Hours` Later`*

    "*PSSHT!* Agent Armadillo 010, I've spotted the landing target!" Nancy announced in her best astronaut voice.
    "*PSSHT!* Agent cactus 09, I hear you." Shorty responded in his best astronaut voice.
    "*PSSHT!* Giant piece of meat below. Prepare for pulverizing."
    "*PSSHT!* You got it, Agent Cactus 09."
    They pulled the strings on their cheese puff parachutes, and magically landed on top of the giant chunk of protein.
    Suddenly Charleena Purcell leaned her head out the window of the driver's seat, "WHAT ARE YOU DOING ON TOP OF MY CAR?!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
    Shorty scratched the top of his sparkling head, "Uhh. . . tenderizing it?"
    Nancy screamed as loud as a hippo. Then Charleena rammed the car to a stop and caused Nancy and Shorty to fly off.
    "I believe I can flyyyy! I believe I can toouch the s-" Nancy's beautiful (*coughwince*) singing was cut off by her landed face-first into the red Arizona dirt.
    "EWWWWW THE DIRT TASTES LIKE SCRAMBLED EGGS."
    "I'm going to leave now." Shorty said.
    And with that, he flew away, leaving Nancy allllll alone.
    "MEANIE!" She yelled, standing up and changing out of her SuUUPpeEeRRrr-skYDIviiIInnNGgg SuUUuIIiiiItT™.
    She walked about 2 steps, but then decided that she was too tired to move on any longer. She collapsed onto the ground and took a catnap. (MEOW)


    Back at the ranch....


    Bet Rawley glided on her stomach down the dusty path leading up to Shadow Ranch, Ed following closely behind her.
    They could already see the giant lit-up billboard out front that read "....d.ow . ..n..
    ...............with ranch dressing!"
    (A group of teenagers had scratched out some of the letters a few months ago. Those dang kids!!!)
    Once they passed the gates, they stopped gliding and stood up. They looked around dramatically like in old western movies, as if expecting a Hummer to run over them at any second and squash them like squashed Rawleys. But, that was beside the point.
    Ed poked the hot pink bandage that was wrapped around his rattlesnake bite, wincing as pain shot through his body.
    "Are you okay, Ed?" Bet asked.
    Ed nodded, a huge smile spread across his face, "'Course! I like the pain!"
    Then they split up like the Scooby Doo gang (except only with two people) to go find. . people. Bet went over to the chicken coop where Dave was currently doing the macarena, and Ed went inside to see Shorty. Bet explained how Ed got out of the insane asyl - I MEAN, hospital, to Dave, who clacked his heels together with joy.
    Ed explained how he had gotten out of the ins - HOSPITAL to Shorty, whose eyes sparkled like a bottle of sparkling cider. (Shorty likes to sparkle.)
    Then, all of a sudden, Nancy appeared on top of Shorty's cooking pot and he screamed like a girl. Nancy made a crazed gorilla noise as soon as she felt the boiling water seep through her shirt. She jumped 10 feet into the air, busting a hole in the ceiling, and landed on top of Shorty's head.
    "Oooh, your head is shiny!" She commented.


    Last edited by Beanbag on Thu Jan 13, 2011 4:19 am; edited 3 times in total

    GrammarShark
    Admin

    Posts : 199

    ssr Re: Home is Where the Pancakes Are

    Post  GrammarShark on Sun Sep 05, 2010 9:48 am



    "Hey Dave, ya'tcha doin' with a chicken on your head?"

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